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The laws of music

What is this madness? Is this real life? Or is it just fantasy? Why is Mechanix back, writing posts, and moreover, in the language of the Queen?

Well folks, Tanaka-san visited the office the other day, and since when I first applied to the blog I made the mistake of bragging about how I studied Japanese back in the day, he tried to talk to me. With disastrous results.

He stormed out, and next day we had a mail demanding globalization of the blog and more language spread. I felt dozens of eyes looking at me. And here I am.

Our posts about the so-called “laws of music” have proved popular enough to grant them pioneering status into English land, so here they go. Enjoy and spread, my friends!

Nota para hispanohablantes: podéis verlas en su idioma original, o sea castellano, en el tag Leyes.

  • Mustaine’s Law

    We are not sure if this has been said before, but here from Tanaka Music we want to postulate Mustaine’s Law:

    As an internet argument about metal develops, the probability of ending up discussing about Megadeth and Metallica tends to one.

Dave Mustaine sitting on a throne, s-i-t-t-i-n-g…
  • Porta’s Law

    This one we are sure nobody postulated it yet, but anyway here at TanakaMusic we want to also propose Porta’s Law:

    As an internet argument about hip-hop develops, the probability of ending up dismissing Porta as a posh, nontrue rapper tends to one.

Porta and his homies
  • Cliff’s Law

    Another law that we postulate for the good of all of internet.

    As an internet argument about bassists develops, the probability of ending up glorifying Cliff Burton and wishing it had been Lars Ulrich who died in that accident instead of him, tends to one.

  • Txus’s Law

    Let’s go on postulating new laws, for the good of all of internet.

    As an internet argument about drummers develops, the porbability of ending up talking about how bad of a drummer is Txus di Fellation from Mägo de Oz (for performing playback and other stuff) tends to one.

  • Mordor’s Law

    We resume our silenty praised section of laws to add another one related to metal.

    Any character or place mentioned in the works by J. R. R. Tolkien will share a name with some metal group or song in that genre.

Amon Amarth 17.06.2006 La Chateau de Larochette Chateau Fels, Larochette, Luxemburg
  • Law of lists

    After the controversy generated by a certain post about a certain list of the best heavy metal albums, we are forced to postulate a new law of the Internet.

    Any list about the X best Y, will generate 50*X arguments about the albums that shouldn’t be on the list, the 50*X new Y that should be, and 50*X changes in the order of that list. If it’s about metal, Mustaine’s Law holds, always.

  • Law of Invisible Fruit

    We haven’t increased much your knowledge about the internet with our laws, lately, but here’s another one

    Any band trying to look “evil” should place their hands in a way that looks like they are squeezing some invisible fruit with all their power.

Fenriz understand the pose better than Nocturno Culto
  • Bonus Track!

    If you read this far, either you are bored, a big fan of us, or you are doing your best to not get me fired. So, as thank you, here’s the unpublished Ronnie’s Law, many times mentioned but never put into words.

    As an internet argument about Metallica develops, the probability of ending up discussing Load and how bad is it exactly, tends to one.

A load of crap.

Publicado originalmente en Tanaka Music.

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